I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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