Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
