i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
