whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
