Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
