Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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