a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
