I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
