I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize