So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
