You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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