I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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