MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
