I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
