you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize