if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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