What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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