i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize