but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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