So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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