I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
