Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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