Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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