if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
