just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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