it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
