So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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