Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
