Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
