nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
