About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize