thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
