Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
