then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
