She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
