I'd wear matching sweaters with you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
