ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
