Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
