Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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