i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize