why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
