You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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