Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Welp...herpes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
