When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
