It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize