Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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