Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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