I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
