as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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