Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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