I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
