did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
