my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
