I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
