Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
