rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
