I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
