you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You made out with two different species that night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
