Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
