those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
